Betty and beans

A Badass Mediocrity

I can’t breathe.

on March 12, 2014

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Surrounded by complete silence, I’m not sure what awakens me. I open my eyes just in time to see a man approaching me, I try to jump up…scatter away…anything but he’s too close. The panic is momentary.

His hand wraps around my neck, he snatches the covers off me. I’m in my bra and panties; too tired the night before to change. He roughly assaults my breasts, removes my underwear. It’s been less than a minute since I awoke.

He crawls up over me, forces his way in my mouth, pushing himself deeper. I can’t breath, the force, the angle…I don’t know. I aimlessly push trying to get him to retract himself. He does, only to plunge himself in again.

He removes his substantial length from my mouth, immediately settling between my legs and plowing in. As he enters me, his command: I’ll swallow this load. When he’s ready he presents his cock, I open to obey orders.

He’s fucking me again, it’s so good. Amazing. Harder and harder, it hurts, it feels intense, I want more. He periodically slaps my face, I wince a few times. He keeps going.

At some point he apologizes “I’m sorry baby, but I needed it”. I know what he means. He tells me I’m beautiful. I tell him I love him. I try not to let him see it, but I cry. I can’t help it.

The sex continues, the pounding produces really intense orgasms. He comes twice more, sweat drips from his beautiful body landing on mine.

I kiss him, suck on his skin, he collapses. Curling myself around him, I ask if it’s time. Not yet, I’m not ready, we’ll enjoy a little more time together.

He settles into my bed, I snuggle into my favorite spot in the whole world. Laying my head on his chest, a few words are exchanged. My instructions not to over think, stay out of my head. Heh, yeah right. I hear his breathing change, I wait, allowing just a few tears to escape.

He’s acting as if our relationship is time bomb, he knows better than me, so I guess it is.

I love him. I can’t breathe.

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33 responses to “I can’t breathe.

  1. JK says:

    Wow, Betty. True? Real? Tell me.

    • Which part, it’s all true, so yes. Lol whatcha want to know?

      • JK says:

        I want to know, for my own peace of mind, if you’re enjoying this. From your post, it could go either way, at least how I read it.

      • It does go both ways. It’s passionate, it’s beautiful, it’s messy, it’s painful, he makes me sad, and he makes me happy.

      • JK says:

        Very intriguing. Thanks for being so open and honest about it. Tell me if there’s anything I can do to help make it more happy and less sad, more beautiful and less messy. It’s so interesting the read the juxtaposition of good and bad in the post. Now it makes sense to me. I still worry about you, but I’ll let it be if you tell me to let it be.

      • No JK, I appreciate the concern. And your inquiries are completely welcome. The sexual aspect of our relationship is completely healthy and mutual. I want what he gives me; it’s ridiculously hot. The emotional side is a little trickier. I feel how I feel, and well, he feels how he feels. And I don’t really know how what exactly he feels, or doesn’t.

      • JK says:

        That’s hard, when you don’t know. Even when it’s bad news, at least you know.

        You’ve always said you’re attracted to the emotionally unavailable bad boys. If you’re not going to change your preference, maybe you need to study psychology so you can get to the bottom of them whether they willingly share it or not. 🙂

      • Bahahahahahahaha. That’s what I’m trying to do, JK. Let’s see if I’m success or fail miserably, shall we? This is the same emotionally unavailable DM that’s been around, by the way.

        DM, don’t you want to comment, baby?

      • JK says:

        DM? Am I forgetting something? I don’t recall DM?

      • He commented, JK, see what I’m working with?

      • JK says:

        I’ve gotta disappear in a few, so I’ll see you another time. Keep writing.

      • JK says:

        By the way, our blog is private now. If you want in, just request it.
        deseosdesires.wordpress.com

      • JK says:

        I mean, on the one hand it could be hot and sexy and everything you want. On the other hand, it could be an unhealthy relationship. Just can’t tell from your post.

        People would have the same concern about me and Sofia and the things we do, until they learned it’s exactly what we want.

  2. NormalDeviations says:

    That’s one bad-ass Betty post.

  3. Dad-D says:

    True to my nature, I don’t have much to say.

  4. Dad-D says:

    I keep coming back to read this, picking out a few sections to relive in my mind. When I laid there in my bed I had so many desires. Of those, the main one was to see you. It was late and I was frustrated by my odd insomnia. I wanted to see you, to feel you (purely emotionally). The more I thought about you the more I wanted to show you this incredible passion I have for you. A want became a need. A need quickly became a motive, a motive to an action.

    I wanted to be close to you, I wanted to be animalistic, I wanted to take what I needed. There was no rationalization or debate. I literally sat up, put on the most minimal amount of clothing I could and headed over.

    I had to rush you. I know you had the fantasy, and if this particular moment was going to fulfill me, I wanted to think about how to make it rewarding for you as well. Two birds, one stone? Interesting how our desires so easily compliment each others.

    Drats. My phone is starting to glitch up writing this. That’s all, for now.

    • JK says:

      Good job, D. Now that you put it all into words, I’m completely behind you. Sofia would love that.

      • Dear Heavens, JK, don’t tell him that shit. Articulate obfuscation is his speciality. Well, one of them. 😉

      • JK says:

        I don’t know, Betty, seems like the man’s on the up and up to me. Maybe you know him just a tad better though. 🙂

      • I’m afraid it’s just a matter of one person feeling more than the other. Love/like. Not something that can be forced or manipulated, and isn’t going to change. Unfortunate, depressing, really.

      • JK says:

        I would agree, when you’re on the “more” side of that equation, it can be depressing. For me, it’s always worked to then manage my expectations accordingly, and get what i could get from the relationship, while keeping my eyes open elsewhere too.

      • Dad-D says:

        It seems like I’m gathering quite the mob. I’m coming for you, Betty.

    • Judy Jetson says:

      I hate to be cliche, Dad-D, but actions speak louder than words.

      • NormalDeviations says:

        Aye, agreed here Judy. Not to poke at you, Dad-D, but the verbal vs. the non-verbal cues are important. Especially important is the consistency between them – most of the time. Betty tends to get a bit nutty when they don’t match up, eh.

  5. NormalDeviations says:

    Hey Joffrey,

    Here’s a challenge for you. It sounds like you might be giving him a bit of a shit sandwich. Saying you love him… have you shown him what that means? It’s such a subjective term. What it means to one isn’t anywhere close to what it means to another.

    And I don’t mean showing him what it means related to sex. I mean the complexities of it. Without having that shared view of what that word means to you, it’s hard for some people to grasp it and react/respond in ways that aren’t fuckered.

    I’m kinda speaking from experience here, poopie butt.

    • I behave in a way that feels natural, and that demonstrates my feelings pretty effortlessly. I think they show clearly, I’m not the best person to answer the question. I don’t know if our needs from love are the same. Not very insightful, huh?

      • NormalDeviations says:

        Insightful isn’t necessary – I just wanted to give you something to think about. To step outside the self-box for a minute and see things a little bit differently. I’ve found that helps me, but sometimes it’s hard (for me) to do without someone nudging me that way.

      • Dad-D says:

        bd, you do a… wonderful job of conveying your care, consideration and affection. Don’t gauge yourself on my inability.

        You love something I don’t understand. I don’t love myself, maybe I’m ashamed. I’ve always felt like whatever I am it wasn’t expected to be loved. I may have wrongfully decided that I can’t be. So things like that drive me to stay to myself. To be in half relationships. I do things that fool people into thinking I love them. I’ve fooled people into loving me, because it felt like that was the only way it could be done. I think one day I just want to tell someone everything I want, everything I do, everything I am and have them not find me worth being with.

        I’m not sure the cause and effect. Do my feelings drive my actions, which in turn fuel more feelings of self loathing that cause actions? Do I do things just to find reason to be unhappy? Is unhappy where I’m happy?

        Man. I’m bad sometimes. In not the good way.

      • You’re right, I love something you don’t understand, because I see things you don’t. And part of my optimism and patience for you is because I see WHY you behave the way you do. You’re good at hiding parts of yourself, there are things that I don’t see. But I see dark parts of you and still love you, and I see so much good you don’t accept in yourself.

        Maybe I am a fool. Your decision to keep yourself from me is yours to make. I can’t see it all, and love you regardless or deem you unworthy, if you don’t show me. Half of you isn’t enough for me, I want all of you.

      • Judy Jetson says:

        For fuck’s sake, Dad-D, its not that hard. You are no different than the great majority of other people in the world who are also confused, unsure, insecure, uncertain of their worthiness to be loved. You are not a special case. Everyone has these same struggles. Everyone has baggage in their past that makes them feel fucked up. Most people can see when something good comes into their life, and they accept it and are glad for it, whether they actually feel they deserve it or not. You are dwelling on negative things that only exist in your mind, and so you choose unhappiness,one day at a time.

      • Judy Jetson says:

        I’m sorry, Dad-. In retrospect, I realize I sounded too harsh, and I really didn’t mean it that way. What I am trying to say is that we all have similar struggles; you are not alone. Have a little faith in the basic goodness of people, including yourself! We can help each other. It is ok to not be perfect..no one else is either. We can all benefit and build strength from each other, you just have to trust and open up. And I am very glad to see you are doing that.

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